Pre-op

I just went in for my pre-op appointment at the birthing center. It's rather intimidating to find out how serious surgery can be. I've only had major surgery once in my life and it was emergency surgery, so there wasn't all of this pre-op fuss about what to expect or what to do and what not to do - they just did it. Now I have to think about and get anxious about things like different pain medicines, recovery, bowl movements, and all this other stuff. But really I'm not the one who has to think about it. I keep wanting to tell myself, "Relax. They're the experts; they know what they're doing - so let them just do whatever needs to be done." It is so hard to give up total control like that.
I am so glad I have time to adjust myself to the idea of giving up that control. I can't imagine if I were still planning a natural birth, and then when the day came the doctors said, "Oh, sorry, we are going to have this baby our way, not your way." There were three or four women having babies today at the hospital and all of them were expecting natural births and all of them had c-sections. That has to be difficult. So, the positive side of this situation is: I know all the details about how and probably when the baby will arrive - barring any incredibly unusual complications.
Every other time I've visited the Baby ward there haven't been any babies around. It was really quiet. But today there were a bunch all pink and squirmy in the nursery. It was ... I'm not sure what word I would use to describe the feeling I had seeing those babies and knowing the wiggly lump in me was going to be just like them - pink and squirmy and human - in a matter of days. It was a rush of so many different feelings: excitement, awe, happiness. And it was so grounding - this is right, this is what comes next. No matter how she comes into the world, life is going to be so different and I'm looking forward to that.

Belly Cast

My friend Naomi came up this weekend to do a belly cast. It made me feel a lot better about my prego body. See this whole time I really haven't been huge. I began looking pregnant, like so strangers could tell, in June. Probably since baby Eve is breech, I don't look as pregnant as I am. No one has believed me when I tell them this baby is coming at the end of August. The common response is "No, you're not big enough!"
Strange enough, that is not at all what I'd like to hear. I want to hear, "Holy crap you're big!" Or something along those lines. Especially now that I really feel preggers. I don't want to hear, "You look good/small/not nearly as pregnant as you say you are." But Naomi came and said "Oh, my god! You're huge!" and that was excellent.
So, the other evening we made a plaster cast of my front - belly and breasts. I got all lathered up with cold cream and we used triangles of the plaster strips that they use for casts and stuff. Some people do casts of their bellys and then hang them on the walls or something. I think that would be a little embarassing. Why do I want my big belly and boobs hanging on the wall, or why would my kid want to see that daily? It is nice to have it done, it made me feel good about my prego body, and its going to a good cause - art! This was all for a sculpture that she's creating.

C-Section 8/26/08

I went to the doctor today to check up on baby and to schedule a C-Section since she is still breech. Last time I went they said, if I chose C-Secion, the 19th would be my date. That is not the case! We have to wait another whole week - until the 26th - to meet this darling little girl.
There are plenty of great reasons to wait until as late as possible: Her lungs will be totally fully developed, if I start having contractions that will stimulate her systems, she'll be a bigger size (therefore probably healthier) baby. Lots of things. But that doesn't keep me from wanting to whine about it. Many of my friends will be off on adventures by that time - 5 weeks in Ireland, 1 year in China, off to finish their education here there or where ever. Also, as I mentioned before, I hate waiting. This means 11 more days instead of just 4. Unless of course I go into labor before the 26th.
My mother gave me one bit of perspective: "At least you won't have to wait beyond your due date. You know if she doesn't come next week she will definitely be here by the 26th. I went into labor 3 days after my due date!"

Old Pics

These are ultrasound pics from April. I couldn't find the first ultrasound pic, but all she looks like is a bean in those. These are much cooler. She's like an adorable Swamp Thing.
I hope anyone who knows me knows that I hate waiting. It is my least favorite verb to do: to wait... I've been trying to fill my time with fun things, like sewing things, and decorating the baby's room, and writing this. It's not working. Mostly because all I have to do now is wait and all the other things, no matter how important I pretend they are, they're really just inconsequential distractions to keep me from thinking about what I'm actually doing... waiting.
I've been trying to find a job, because I think if I have a job I won't be waitng, I'll be working! making money! doing something that matters to other people. No one wants to hire a prego. In Boston I could find a job in a day (or a couple of days). I'd send out a resume, make a call, interview, and I was hired. I have applied for a dozen jobs, been to half a dozen interviews, and I am still unemployed. The Brattleboro job market is not friendly.
I've decided not to apply for any more jobs until after the baby. I signed up for online classes at UMass Amherst. That'll occupy me for a while. And I'm directing a show in Saxton's River with a teenage group. That's the one job I've gotten. Maybe fate is trying to tell me something - don't do anything that won't further your career/dreams. Well, Fate, I need a little spending money!

Pics of the Cape and the family baby party

Isn't this the most beautiful gluten free carrot cake you've ever seen?



This is all the family gathered. I've decided baby showers are like the super first birthday party before the birth day. Eve got sooooooo much stuff!



Grandpa-to-be is always taking pictures.



And there's grandma-to-be! Look at that belly! 37 weeks and counting!

weeks or days?

I am due to give birth to my first child in two weeks. For the last month I have been living with a breech baby inside me, which means I've spent a lot of my spare time in front of the tv lying head down at a 45 degree angle. It's not the most comfortable position. I literally feel like I'm being suffocated from the inside, like someone is sitting on my lungs. Not fun.
Two weeks ago my doc offered to do an external cephalic version, which basically means she'd put her hands on my belly and push the baby in a circle until she was head down. So, this procedure is performed in a hospital, requires drugs to relax the uterus, necessitates that you not eat for 8-12 hours, and involves a lot of pain. Doesn't it sound like something you'd want to do when you're 8.5 months pregnant? The good news was my doctor was generally over 75% successful. Last week, however, I find out that in our particular case the success rate probability has dropped below 50%. Pain and discomfort maybe all for naught to gain a natural childbirth.
I would have liked a natural childbirth for a couple of reasons: it is a right of passage. Its an experience less than half of the world gets to have and I could say, "Been there, done that!" But really what is important is having a healthy baby, no matter how she comes out. My mother had a c-section for me, her mother had a c-section for her. I don't think it's a bad way of coming into the world. We all turned out healthy. So, I opted out.
Now I'm just waiting to schedule a c-section sometime in the next two weeks... waiting...